From The Onion:

As the fifth plate of his 10-course, $150 prix fixe tasting menu dinner was carefully placed on the manicured table in front of him, Kohl-Strauss Media Group CEO Tom Byatt reportedly told a colleague Tuesday that in order for the company to stay afloat in this adverse economic climate, staff layoffs would likely be necessary.

"The fact of the matter is, our financial outlook is just not what it used to be... And if we want to keep the lights on, we're going to have to start making some tough choices," said Byatt, cutting into a piece of seared foie gras subsumed in a rich pheasant consommé.

"Personally, I wish we could keep everybody. But unfortunately, I'm in the position of having to decide what the best direction for our company is, and I don't see any other option than reducing our overall cost structure and finding some way to trim payroll."

"It's far from an ideal situation, but we have to cut corners somewhere," Byatt added as a second waiter arrived with a $110 bottle of Château Figeac from the wine cellar. "That's just a reality of...

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